Saying "money won't solve all your problems" is typically reserved for an out of touch elitist and while money can, in fact, solve a lot (if not most) of your problems, if there are other intrinsic issues you need to work through, money will only be a Band-Aid instead of a tool to help you reach your goals and focus on an abundant life. For many of us, our 20s and 30s are focused on climbing the corporate ladder, until we "reach" that pinnacle of success we were promised would make us feel whole. And as we start to progress, learn the pitfalls of corporate America, adjust accordingly and get bumps in salary, so can our spending and we find ourselves in the throws of lifestyle creep. You can easily find yourself in the hedonic treadmill before you know it — consumerism is baked into American DNA where even the most basic things humans need for health and overall wellness, you can be sure someone already found way to monetize it.
Not sleeping well? You just need an aromatherapy mask, a dehumidifier, blackout curtains, a weighted blanket, a memory foam pillow, and your sleeping aid of choice (and I feel like this list is modest) — it can't possibly be inflation, the fear of imminent job loss, lack of work/life balance, the general news cycle, (insert any other modern institutional issue that creates anxiety at the personal level). Feeling lonely? Doom scrolling, compulsive shopping, (insert any other unhealthy coping mechanism we've normalized) seems like a nice, easy alternative to fill the void, let's pretend there isn't a loneliness epidemic. Want to feel healthier? "Organic" products are the only way to not be actively poisoned apparently and gym memberships on average are just $60 a month.
While the need to acknowledge these systemic issues and the bedrock of capitalism as monetizing every single aspect of our lives, rather than internalize it as our own individual faulty decisions, we need to realize and accept that it's ever-present and our current reality. That said, there is a fine line between acknowledging a systemic issue that should not feel like an individual flaw but also continuously using it as an excuse to make poor individual choices, develop or feed a victim mentality, and not take accountability/responsibility for our own actions and things that are within our control, which, as confident as you may be in your own abilities, probably don't include changing the fabric of a society.
Now that we've acknowledged the elephant in the room, let's get to what you can and should focus on — your habits and your mindset. Once you've looked at all your numbers (the Spending Roadmap can be a great start) and are ready to have some tough and honest but loving conversations with yourself about what habits are holding you back, below are some questions to ask yourself depending on what mindset shift needs to happen:
People pleasing spending: if most of your discretionary income is going out the window because you can't say "no" to others and end up overspending and then feeling guilty which then turns into resentment, ask yourself, why do I need this external validation? What is missing internally that makes me feel like I need to please others and make them happy at my (literal) expense? Would others put themselves in the same position on my behalf? Would I even put others in this situation? These are difficult questions to ask yourself, but the more honest you can be to try to unravel those layers, the more you can start to heal more than surface level wounds to create space for new habits that will help you build the abundant life you deserve.
Hedonic treadmill loop: if you're overspending on things you feel will make you happy and just provide that dopamine hit of instant gratification, ask yourself, is it this truly making me happy? Will buying this put me back in my progress? Is this worth it? We shouldn't go into an overthinking spiral every time we want to enjoy a minor treat so finding that balance between compulsive buying and depriving yourself should be the goal. One tactic you can apply is trying the 72 hour rule, whenever you feel the urge to buy something, wait 72 hours and if you still want it, then by all means, treat yourself if it is within your means.
Comparison rabbit hole of doom: If you feel the need to keep up with the Joneses and are constantly obsessing over what you see everyone doing on social media or comparing yourself to your social circle, this is normal to an extent as we are social animals that tend to take our cues from others as a benchmark of where we should be. This mindset, however, can slowly erode your self esteem and sense of worth. If you feel yourself going down this rabbit hole, obsessing over how much better others are doing compared to where you are, consider starting a gratitude journal to get you back into the present and acknowledge what you do currently have in your life vs what is lacking. A gratitude mindset is a beautiful thing to adopt and even starting a list of "good things are always happening to me" to add one thing every day and keep it somewhere you can see it and access it daily (mine is in my Notes app).
Being ambitious while also acknowledging how far you've come and the good things you already have going for yourself is not an easy balance but one that a mindset shift can help with. One of my favorite sayings is "change the way you look at things and the things you look at change," and your finances and an abundant mindset are no exception, take small but intentional steps each and every day.
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